Gifts

This got stuck   in my drafts folder. It supposed to be published after Christmas but then the whole typhoon incident happened.

 

It’s almost christmas. And here i am lying to my wife that i’m waiting for our younger son to get out of school. Truth is I snucked out and went to the nearby city. It’s been some time since I bought her a real gift.

We do buy stuff for the house and for the family. We buy things for her. But we do it together. I still like the feeling of keeping a secret. It’s exciting!

It may sound weird but it is exciting! Since we got married we did all things together: groceries, office work, school stuff. We may not have a car but we never do it alone.

So it is really exciting sneaking out, lying on text and getting back on time just to get her the gift I personally want for her.

In the end though, when i got home, I wasn’t able to keep it going. So I told her and gave her her gift, a week early for Christmas. She was happy with the earrings.

It’s been some time since I saw her face with earrings. I always see her with those when we were not married yet. She just stopped when we were already with our kids.

It only shows that she’s been giving up a lot of things for us. It shows that she’d been loving us unconditionally, to the point that she forgets about herself.

She’s the most beatiful girl i’ve ever seen back then. And i’m a bit sad that she’s selflessly giving everything she has just for us. So i’ll be doing everything I can to take care of her.

 

Update: i just had a major surgery last week. And there she goes again, selfless… never showing her weakness.. never stopped loving..

I love you Arah. I love you mommy. And i am sorry for not keeping up. But i’ll do everything to give back and get you back. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Warp

I know you’ve been waiting for this blog to come up with a new content. I also know that you’ve been through a lot. You’ve lost things and people. You’ve accepted abrupt change,  and convinced yourself that you feel contented.

Yep. It’s been hard, isn’t it?

I know you’ve wished a lot for time to turn back, or let you slip into a portion of your past, bask into that unforgettable  scent and feeling that you’ve always craved for, only to force you to open your eyes back to present.

Oh and I know that you’ve wished that you can tweak that past, even just for a bit.

Heartbreaking? I know. And you’ve thought that you’re alone with that feeling.

Well, we all felt that way. One way or another you will discover that it wasn’t just you who wished for superpowers to turn back time or to manipulate it, or prayed so hard to God to press the reset button so we can start all over again.

To be honest, I don’t have the slightest idea on how you can solve your problems. I have tons of that too. But I just want to remind you that, whatever that you’re feeling, we all are feeling it too. Trust  me. I thought I was the only one, until I discovered that you do too. And I felt relief when I found out.

This ain’t crab mentality. And I am not thankful that you need to go through this suffering. I am just relieved that I am not alone.

But hey. Maybe sharing things here should make us feel better. I’ll keep it coming.

Naj’s Medical Expenses

In the first few month’s of admission, he can bear seeing his hand get his hand pricked or inserted with IV needles and be amazed with it…no tears, just amazement. Now, he fears the sight of medical personnels with trays of syringes and tubes. He pulls his hand with all his might so he can get away from it, only to succumb to saddened crying until he falls to sleep.

But for the times beyond that 5-minute horror, he is happy, active and playful.

Some people may say that he is too active, or hyperactive. What they don’t know that beyond this hyperactive-ness is a sweet, friendly and respectful kid (no wonder she have 5 girls following and playing with her at school). And he proved that he’s smart by acing he’s exams even he was absent for weeks because of his medical condition. He even said to his teacher that he doesn’t need to be reviewed, because “Alam ko na yan chi-cher(I already know this, teacher.)”

So it’s been more than 3 months. Started from persistent cough, it rolled to several admissions, several doctors with different diagnosis (primary complex, bronchial asthma, irregular heartbeat, sleep apnea), and different referrals to other doctors.

Now, after we drained all our savings, the last doctor referred us for a sleep study where we can only get from a hospital 430km (10hrs) away from us. We are hoping and praying that they will be able to figure it out this time. My wife and I maybe physically exhausted, but we would bear everything just to finish and get him back to school, which he misses all the time.

We would appreciate all financial help. We may not be thinking about it now since we want our kid to be better first, but we need to face it after all of this. Please help us get our son back home and back to school.

 

Naj’s Medical Expenses

Mommy

This content  has gibberish  due to brain-to-hand issues on typing. Almost similar to the brain-to-mouth syndrome I have.

Yeah, I know. It’s a bit late. But I’d rather focus on the whole day spending  it with you. It’s your day. I’d rather be looking at your pretty face than thinking about what to write. Yes, I was already staring at you in the middle of the night, when clock  struck twelve and the online birthday  greetings started to pop. I’d rather look into your face than get up and pop one up too. You  know  why?

Because in this roller coaster world of life and work and surviving, looking at you keeps me alive. You’re the one who keeps my emotion in check, preventing it to turn into stone. No matter what you feel: happiness, anger, sadness, distraught. They all push me to move, all in the very best direction.

Oh, and sometimes, or most of the time, I just love looking at you sleeping while i’m working in the night. You have the prettiest sleeping  face. It’s so attracting that I can’t keep myself from kissing your lips like you were sleeping beauty and I’m that prince. But I always try to be careful not to wake you up.

But just like how we spent time yesterday, I’m not really asking for something tangible. I’m really not into buying things. I feel happy and content every time I put a smile on your face.

Happy Birthday Love… You’re my better half that I would not dare lose over my own life. I love you.

 

Challenges

If I’ll be ranking the challenges I’ve faced per year, this would be the best in the worst kind of way, or the worst in the best…ugh. I know you get it.

Within the past 2 months, my wife and my two kids were admitted to the hospital. It’s an interval of 2 weeks before one starts to feel something bad. My older son, being the latest, is currently in pain in a hospital bed, with all the needles he hate, the food he despise, and days of school that he’s missing so bad. He loves school, because of the academic fun of it, which I only felt when I was already in college.

It’s a good thing that my wife and I can bring our work anywhere, as long as we have this trusty mobile internet. It does not let us miss any days that could cause more financial issues with the hospital expenses.

But I am really hoping that this will be the last time i’ll bring anyone of them to the hospital. I can endure all the stress and fatigue just to stay up for days being with them, and taking care of them. But it’s hard to look at them in the eyes with all the pain they feel.

But for the mean time, since this kid needs me, I need to keep any distraught in check.

And I’m hoping I won’t be next. Getting admitted once in my lifetime is enough. Please.

Hey Kid!

Hey Kid! Remember when you we’re almost two years old? That’s the first time we met in a restaurant. You were with your mom and her friend. I’d bet your mom will say that that wasn’t the first time, but i’ll consider it the first since that’s the first time you called me “Dad.”

Your Mom was shocked, immediately covering your mouth, hoping I did not hear it. I pretended to not hear it, asking your Mom what you said, and all she nervously said was “nothing.” I secretly smiled. It made me feel wonderful that day. It was a bit weird, because your Mom and I were not going out yet. But it did made me happy.

Hey Kid! Remember the time when your Mom and I got home from the metro and brought you your first bike? I decided to give it to you while it’s not assembled yet, so that I can proudly set it up for you. It took me a day though, but I was glad your were patient the whole time and was still excited when you started riding it. You were funny riding it for the first time, since you’re used to those battery-powered bikes at the mall, but you showed to me that it’s more fun riding that bike we bought.

Hey Kid, it’s been twice that I got up the stage with you. You’re getting a lot of recognition at school. I hope you’re not that pressured. Although you always show that you can study on your own and always assure us that you’ll get great scores from the exams(which you always do). Don’t get too over-confident though. I did that in the past and it got me nothing but back-stabs and killer eye-stare. Just keep up the good work. And please, ask us questions. We’ll be sad if you do not seek help from us.

Hey Kid, your Mom worries too much about you growing up and learning about that “truth” that she’s still keeping from you. Sometimes she feels that it’s better to keep it to the grave than letting you know. I understand your Mom. She’s just afraid to lose you. But as for me, I’ll tell you once I know that you are ready. I’m not afraid anyway. I’m pretty sure you’ll understand.

Hey Kid, you know I love you, even if I was missing in action on your first two years. Your mom knows that. What she  might not know is that eventhough this family started with a sudden hard-left turn from my previous life, I never had regrets. I was happy that I did.

I am thankful that you call me Dad.

I wish I have a library in my Poop-Throne

Seriously. This is everything but bull crap. I have dreamed to have this since I was young. But let me tell you the reason behind. I think this will be better than telling poop-jokes online. Ha ha!

I grew up seeing pocketbooks, comics and magazines shoved,hanged or placed anywhere inside our bathroom. And these reading materials are strategically placed for two reasons: 1. It doesn’t get wet and 2. It can be easily accessed even when you are already sitting down and taking a dump.

Before I get even further, I would like to explain to our friends from the west that for the regular bathrooms in our country, toilets rarely stay dry because it’s in the same place as the shower. It’s all compact and what not. But I am not going to explain how we can take a bath with a bathroom that small. Go figure.

Now going back. As what I’ve said, I will always see reading materials inside our bathroom. It’s either stacked on the flush or hanged on the towel hangers or rolled up and stuck on that teeny tiny window. Anywhere that will keep it dry and easily reached. These reads range from small tabloids up to encyclopedias, although they change from time to time, depending on how fast they are finished by the readers.

And because of that, I learned to start reading inside the bathroom from the very first time that I was able to reach a book with my tiny, short arms.

Ever since then, I have enjoyed reading in the bathroom while doing number 2. And amazingly, I am able to retain information better than sitting in front of a desk reading. I am able to get into thorough details on novels and short stories. I am able to study better. Although there is a downside.

I got hooked up into it that my reads will get interrupted by loud knocks from my complaining mom since I’ve been staying in the bathroom for a long time. I got into a habit of staying on the toilet for 40 minutes and will just take a bath for 10 minutes or less.

But that was me when I was still a teenager. Now that I have a family of my own, I am still able to do it, but on a lesser time- 20 minutes for the read,10 minutes still for the shower.

I know a lot of you folks prefer bringing your phones or tablets inside just to work off the time waiting. But I’m an old-school dude. I rather have a hanging bookshelf than spend this intimate time with nature with a gadget. It’s good to be offline, at least for an hour.

— oh, and it’s my wife now that does the banging on the door.